


love, life and. . . fairies

by finallyadragon



Category: Original Work, Short Stories - Fandom
Genre: F/F, Self-Esteem Issues, Short Stories, peircings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-11
Updated: 2015-11-11
Packaged: 2018-05-01 04:31:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5192411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/finallyadragon/pseuds/finallyadragon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>a bunch of short stories that i am writing as my nanowrimo (national novel writing month) that means that at the end it will be approximately 50,000 words and none of it is edited until after its complete.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. index

**Author's Note:**

> this chapter is going to change as more and more stories are added  
> the fan fiction chapters will be in bold with the fandom next to it

ch.1 changing the reflection

ch.2 elements of love

ch.3 bird songs


	2. changing the reflection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> belle learns that sometimes forcing yourself to love the way you are isn't the only answer.

“you are beautiful.” i say to my reflection and of course i am. i can see that objectively: skinny, nice features, long thick hair. if it was on anyone else i would think they were gorgeous, and yet all i can see is a repulsive old witch. i can see every flaw, the blackheads across my nose, bushy eyebrows, scar on my forehead and chin. i have no idea why i thought i was pretty. those people were right i'm nothing special. just another girl in a hick town, i don’t even have my looks to fall back on.  
“stop it belle” my reflection scolds back at me. remember what your friends say, not the fake ones you're forced into classes with in school but the real ones you found for yourself over the internet. the ones who know you for who you are and not from who you may have been a few years ago. the ones that don't call you fatty cause you used to have some weight or anorexic because you lost it. my eyes travel to my bare stomach and a flinch away. it was the part of my body that i hated most about myself, dark purple streaking across my too pale skin. the stretch marks never went away even after i worked so hard to lose the weight   
“focus on the good god dammit!” i yell staring into my puffy red eyes tears streaking down my cheeks.  
“say it outloud, say what good so you can hear it for yourself.” that was the advice glaring from my computer screen.  
“just fucking do it, it shouldn't be this hard!” think think fuck. what's good about me. i stare at my reflection scrutinizing every last part of myself then after a while dropping the blanket i had over my shoulders to keep out the chill of my room.  
“my hair looks good.” i manage after a while. i chose not to mention the dandruff that came with the long thick hair, making it impossible to wear black at all without looking like a snowstorm took a shit on my shoulders. or that the haircut i have doesn't go with my face and just makes it look fatter like i got stung by angry bees.  
“i'm skinny” that's true. i used to be fat but i worked and worked everyday until i was at a size that i liked. of course i could still stand to lose a few more pounds, i work out every day in addition to eating well and cutting out all bad foods entirely. i still have those horrible looking purple rough stretch marks cutting through my skin and hair around my belly button. those can be covered by sweaters though so i don't mind them that much. stop it Belle you're supposed to be focussing on the good about yourself not what you can easily hide.  
my eyes are pretty. not right now of course, right now they are red and puffy with mascara clumping my eyelashes together. but they are a nice shade of green. pretty like grass, i like my eyes. that's what i get the most comments on to. how pretty my eyes are. that's only when i get comments though and that doesn't happen all that often. plus the shape is off.they are too wide, it looks like i'm always surprised even when i'm not. it's like i'm in awe at the world even in the most opportune times. teachers always think that i'm not paying attention to them.   
“why am i doing this?” i know that it's not going to work. my friends may have only been trying to help me but i knew from the start that it wouldn’t work. i just don't like the way that i look, i never have and talking to myself in a mirror won't be the thing that changes that. i don't know what i should do now. so i do what i always do when i'm stuck in a rut, i consult my friends on the internet.  
i scroll through skype and the forums to see who is on this late at night. its nearly one in the morning but as usual my friends might as well be nocturnal as most of them are still very active when i look through. i explain the issue with my best friends on skype, choosing to keep it to a text chat and not a video one. i always manage to say what i need to say better when i don't have to actually vocalize it. typing and writing has always been so much easier.  
‘you really don't think that anything that you do will help?” one of them replies.it's my friend sarah, her kitten icon smiling at me like nothing could be wrong in the world. i always loved that icon for her, i even helped to pick it out almost a year ago now. it matches her warm and kind personality  
“no i don’t. i’ve tried everything that i can think of and everything that you guys said to try. it's just not working i don't like the way i look.” i reply my throat and eyes burning from the effort of holding back tears again. i take my shaking hands away from the keyboard and take some deep breathes in an attempt to steady myself until the little ding from my computer pulled me back into the conversation.  
“if you don't like the way you look and don't think that you ever will then you should do something to change it. their is no point in forcing yourself to try and look like something you hate honey.” amy replied her face winking at me from her icon. it took me a minute to think about what she just said, i never thought of it that way. i was always in the mindset of having to love yourself the way that you are not changing yourself so that you can like yourself better. immediately after it sank in what that meant, that i could make myself love myself without putting myself through hell everyday, i knew that that was what i needed to do for myself. however i still have no idea how.  
“how the hell am i supposed to do that, it's not like i can afford any plastic surgery or anything, plus i'm still a minor i couldn't even if i tried” oh well i guess it was a nice thought while it lasted. i could always try the mirror thing again. it might work this time who knows. just as i was getting lost in my own mind again the computer dinged a new message  
“ i didn't mean surgery dumbo i just meant things like dying and cutting your hair or getting a piercing or something like that. something small like that can make a huge difference trust me. that's what i did when i was having self esteem issues a few years ago. i dyed my hair red and got my septum pierced. or you could even just try new makeup.” another shock rolled through my chest: i could actually do that. i look at the mirror, this time not to find the few things that i don't hate but to find the small things that i can change about myself. muddy brown hair, oddly shaped eyes, two tone skin. now that i think about it all things that i could change about myself fairly easily. i can’t believe that it took me so long to think of these things, well i didn’t think of it exactly but oh well it's close enough.  
i type a quick thank you and goodbye to my freinds and switch my availability to do not disturb and rushed to get dressed. i was practically hysterical laughing like i hadn’t in what seemed to be years. pulling out one of my many notebooks from my bookshelf i started to make a list of the things i would need making sure to add as much specific detail as humanly possible detailing what i would need, how much of it and how i would be able to use it properly checking out videos on youtube and pinterest. the rest of the night was spent researching brands and prices. not the most interesting part of the change but one of the most important apparently. if you get the wrong brands it seems that it could go very wrong. i probably completely freaked out my parents when i decided to forgo dinner in favor of ransacking bathroom cabinets and my closet but they let me go when i told them what i was planning. not the whole thing of course, i didn't need an hour long debate on how important it is to keep up a good image and how it could affect them in the future. but i did tell them that i was going shopping for new beauty supplies and wanted to see what i already had in stock so i didn’t buy doubles i didn't need. i felt bad lying to them but i need to do this. i love them and they really do only mean well but they just won't be able to help me like they would want to, they would tell me to just find the beauty i already have and not to go looking to make a new one that they won't think is there.  
the next day i broke out the old pringles can i use as a piggy bank and dump out the cash. for the past year every time i got my paycheck i would put all of my unused money in it. i haven't been going out as much as i used to recently-- or at all really-- so i had a shit load of cash saved up. my job may be complete shit but the hours are decent and i actually get payed more than minimum wage, i made the choice a long time ago that i could deal with idiot customers as a trade off for the money. i counted it all up and it added up to a few hundred dollars that i could kill on my expedition. my heart felt like it was beating so hard it was going to jump straight out of my chest. without looking back i grab my list and run straight out the door and into my truck. the store is only a few miles away from my house so it didn't take very long at all to get there. one by one i begin checking items of my list by the time im done im a lot poorer but a lot happier with what i have then i thought i would be. as i walked back to my truck another store caught my eye. well not a store exactly; a parlor, more specifically a tattoo and piercing parlor.   
i must look like a complete idiot standing in the middle of the sidewalk gaping at the neon lights and graffiti that decorated the walls. on the other buildings the graffiti made them look dirty and forgotten, like nobody just cared enough to take care of them properly, but for some reason it just made this one look more cared for. it was like it was wearing it instead of being burdened with it. it was like the parlor wanted to encourage the artists intent. without meaning to i find myself walking to the doors and pushing my way in past the huge double doors.  
“hey kid, you look lost. and definitely not old enough to be in here.” an older man leered at me from behind the counter. surprisingly well manicured nails scratched up his heavily inked arms and shoulders. the ink spread up his neck but surprisingly enough stayed off of his face. the piercings didn't however and. . . oh shit he's staring at me.  
“oh, um no. i'm eighteen, i just look young.” i say (well more like blurted) fishing out my college id from my wallet as well as my drivers licence and handing it to him.  
“to be honest though i'm not entirely sure what i'm doing here” i continue. i'm not sure why but i feel like i owe this man an explanation, so i give him one. then i just don't stop talking. by the end of it he has heard the entire story including me staring at myself naked in a mirror. oh god i just told a complete stranger that i stare at myself naked in a mirror. when i finally manage to stop my mouth from moving the man looks extremely amused.  
“well, belle is it? i think i can help you with your experiment. come on back and i can hook you up with the perfect thing.” nodding i followed him, noticing from his nametag that his name was sean. he explained what he thought i should do and how it would work. once i gave him the go ahead and paid up he came at my face with the needle.  
not going to lie it hurt like a mother fucker, but then again i always had a low tolerance for pain so i'm not the best judge in the world. after thanking sean i jumped in my truck and drove home.  
“im home! if you need me i'll be in the bathroom, i'm doing something new with my hair.” that's only a half lie right? either way i ran to the bathroom and dropped my bags.  
trying to steady my breath i gathered my hair into a ponytail at the base of my neck.   
“one” i pick up the scissors. my heart starts beating faster  
“two” line up the blades with my hair. my heart is beating harder now and it’s getting harder to breath. i almost chicken out until a glare catches my eye. the light bouncing off of my new nose piercing egging me on reminding me that my old reflection was already gone.i take a deep breath and. . .  
“three” my hand closes and the hair falls to the floor. my head is so much lighter i shake my head and roll my neck to try and get used to the feeling. it was like a monkey off of my back, i felt free. carefully i pick up the ponytail and put it in a separate plastic bag so that i can donate it later. after i stare at my reflection for a good minute or two i make sure that the door is locked behind me and grab the electric razor from my bag. very carefully i start shaving it down with that making it as short as possible. then i washed my head off and grabbed my razor and shaving cream and do the rest manually. when all of my hair was gone i looked at myself in the mirror but didn't give myself time to freak out. while i had it out i took the razor to my stomach and got rid of the hair there as well. without the hair to make it look gross the stretch marks looked like an intentional design, a fairly badass one at that. smiling to myself i grabbed the small wax strips from the back and rubbed them in my hands to warm them up and went to work on my eyebrows. following the instructions from the youtube videos i watched i made a sharp defined look that made my eyes look better. when i was satisfied i grabbed my makeup and went to work.  
after i was out of things to change i couldn’t even recognise myself. dramatic makeup and a new edgy look made me look confident and so sure of myself. i looked at my new reflection, and for the first time in what seemed like forever i smiled. and my reflection smiled back.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm also thinking of adding artwork into the chapters so be on the lookout like that.


End file.
